He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
