Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
