My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
