How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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