hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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