I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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