Your tits are I can't wait for
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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