i just google imaged poop.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
