I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You can't just leave with hair like that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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