mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
