This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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