; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
