Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
