I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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