You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
