I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
