he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
