I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
