We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
