I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize