You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Couch. On fire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
