Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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