I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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