is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
