whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
