I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
