if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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