Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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