cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
