You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think my mom watched the whole time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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