I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
