So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
