just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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