we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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