I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
