i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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