$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
