She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
