I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
