Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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