i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
