I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
