The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
