You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
