glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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