The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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