yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
