Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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  (609): I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak. http://tfl.nu/euel
  Replies (35) Good night (738) Bad night (2010)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (32087) Bad night (1517)
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  (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

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  (805): the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do. http://tfl.nu/fu0w
  Replies (21) Good night (7374) Bad night (1777)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

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  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (6327) Bad night (1276)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.

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  (804): My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am. http://tfl.nu/wlcl
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (1471)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  they just started filling water ballons with vodka.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  on my way.

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  (702): they just started filling water ballons with vodka. (1-702): on my way. http://tfl.nu/jo3z
  Replies (13) Good night (4126) Bad night (1067)
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  (530): View more from California

  he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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  (530): he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/2vwb
  Replies (11) Good night (2554) Bad night (1042)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...

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  (419): She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in... http://tfl.nu/af00
  Replies (6) Good night (1690) Bad night (1111)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?

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  (732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? http://tfl.nu/estf
  Replies (10) Good night (2791) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

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  (931): Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned. http://tfl.nu/a2rg
  Replies (14) Good night (2248) Bad night (611)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.

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  (267): No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool. http://tfl.nu/pfhs
  Replies (20) Good night (839) Bad night (2101)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.

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  (508): It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical. http://tfl.nu/soip
  Replies (0) Good night (800) Bad night (334)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar

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  (701): three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar http://tfl.nu/w5kc
  Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (455)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.

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  (785): What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective. http://tfl.nu/kk8s
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (382)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  did you just send me my own nude

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  (630): did you just send me my own nude http://tfl.nu/pkyy
  Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (296)

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