At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle