we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college