Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.