we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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