I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
