Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
false alarm, still single
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