He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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