I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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