All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
