If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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