Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want a musical about memes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
