I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
