You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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