dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
